Emotional outburst update (Something was just sent over that’s relevant to the issue but not directly related):

I don’t want to think about this any further. I can’t do it. I can’t make any more decisions. I don’t want to listen to anyone. I can’t. And I can’t listen to myself. I’m sorry. I’m not involved. I’m not responsible. I’m not taking charge anymore. You created this. I can’t hold out any longer. I’m bursting. This is the end of trying to make sense of something. I can’t go anywhere. This is not right, that is not right. Nothing is alright. Nothing I’ll do will make any of this right. There’s nothing I can do. And no one else is doing anything when something needs to be done. Fuck you and you and all of you.

It’s fine then. I’ll do nothing. I’LL DO NOTHING. Are all of you happy now? Antics. Antics. There’s no way that I can go that would be right. And yet, I can’t stay still either. What do you say? WHAT DO YOU SAY? I’VE HAD ENOUGH. And no one has any idea. And I’ll quit talking to anyone anymore. (Addressed to the ‘anyone’: Go manage your own bitter, f***ed up life. Only come back when your tactics are working. Meanwhile, f*** you.)

Ask yourself, what have you done? What do you plan to do? Who are you? Who am I? Be honest, be straightforward. Please be. Because I’m not going to figure out anymore. I quit. I’m too f***ing tired. I’m spent. I quit.

I applaud you for all that you’ve done. You f***ing screw me over and over. And yet, I still don’t know what the holy f*** is happening. But it’s alright. Because I’m done with this. Completed. I don’t know how you can deal with your life like that. Your life sucks a lot, yes. But it doesn’t mean that because I’m a small portion of your life-sucks treasure chest, you can indiscriminately set the issue involving me aside and screw me over and over.

PLEASE BE F***ING CONSIDERATE. I’ve now decided that you’re inhumane. And I don’t know you anymore.


Meanwhile, I had a great day today, up till the evening. It happens everyday. (I’m not depressed btw.) But in the not-too-distant past, many whole consecutive days are destroyed because of this. So there is improvement. But it’ll not happen again tomorrow. Because I quit this. I’m not going to make sense of this anymore. I quit all of these, I’m not going to talk about this anymore.

When I can’t move and I can’t stay still, I disappear.