The next time someone talks to me about decisions and uncertainty and the angst resulting from it all, I’m going to tell them that in those moments of uncertainty, they can be certain that in time, decisions will be made and issues will be resolved. This is the point in my life where I say that I’ve been through and seen enough to be certain of that. Of course, I haven’t seen it all, I haven’t seen most of what I’m going to see but I’m sure about that now, intuitively speaking.
Tonight, I wrote on the social networking site: “Today, I just realised that sometimes, when things screw up, it is not my fault. Yes, this is quite a huge revelation to me.” And: “And that when things ‘screw up’, they may not be for the worse.”
The next time someone asks me to speculate about something, I’ll tell them that if they find themselves questioning, all they need is time. I don’t mean that you’ll only know about something when the time comes. I mean that if you do not already know, you won’t know. You’ll just have to wait and go along till you know enough to speculate accurately enough. You’ll know when this happens.
You’ll know that you know when you’ve been through confusion, frustration, self-criticism, angst, accusation, jubilation, arrogance, independence, dependence, hate, desire, pretentiousness, joy, betterment efforts, giving-ups, belief, doubt, fickleness. And then, just all of a sudden, you find yourself in a clearing. Things that you consider are no longer attached to personal agendas, things just happen. And it is then that you finally grasp things for what they are.
(That you don’t have to always be responsible. That you don’t have to be perfect or aim to be.)
*Wanted to write more but gosh, I’m so sleepy now, Will continue with this tomorrow (later today)*