I feel like ramming my head against the wall. No-no-no, this is not how today went. Today’s great, fine. Except that someone rammed something heavy, though thankfully blunt, against my shin and ankle area. It has aggravated the bruises acquired from the ice-skating experience and expanded the patch of injury-area. It was rather horrible but it’s funny how I forgot about it several minutes after it stopped hurting ‘spontaneously’, until now, when I tried to recall the woes of today. (I really don’t care about physical hurt unless I’m going to die from it.) You know bruises— if you don’t touch them, they won’t hurt. So it’s been good. I was tempted to say “I’m like a bruise, hey!”. But I stopped myself in time though not exactly since I pulled off a _____ (noun, a literary device e.g. “I didn’t tell you my secret about feeding the kitten dog litter when I was 7!!” (but I did, now, though not exactly))
There’s still a helluva many things going on. But I’ve got it all under some form of control. But my sentiments towards each of them are different. So technically speaking, I’ll end up experiencing a myriad of emotions all at the same time. Emotions don’t go by the same denominator. It’s not like grief/sadness/anger deduct some points from the emotions chest and that happiness/joy/peace contribute some points. And the direction (-/+) of the balance will show us which side of the spectrum we lie on and the magnitude will determine the specific emotion we’re experiencing at the moment.
I remember a friend telling me about another friend who is of an extremely mixed ethnicity— around 8 different ethnicities. My friend claimed that she ended up just looking Chinese. And hey, there’s no Chinese blood in her family tree. So, well, I ended up feeling something entirely out of that myriad of emotions, probably. I can’t figure it out. I’m just in a whirl. I would say that I’m confused but there are no overt inclinations to really figure it out. And that thing of mine doesn’t have any negative connotations as confusion would. I would say that I’m sick of the whirl etc. but I’m not that bothered by it at all. I don’t mind it all happening, mostly because I can’t think of what else I want to replace it all with.
Etc. etc. etc. Pointless post actually. I just felt like writing all of a sudden.
Update: Around 30 minutes later
Another confirmation that things never go as planned. I was writing on my FB status 2 days ago “I’ve come to conclude that things never go as planned. But the beauty of it is how things can go much better than planned.”. But many times, things can go worse then planned too. I’m not claiming that this is happening. The story hasn’t been written yet. But here, I’m referring to something really tiny, nothing like the huge thing that’s actually going to happen. In case anyone’s reading and is speculating and knows me well enough at this point in time.
But also, I need to really appreciate this: in the same way as how I’m not entirely responsible, I’m not totally at fault for imperfections. As much as I’ve cut myself quite a bit of slack nowadays, perfection seems to be the default thing I still instinctively go after.
I’ll end here. We’ll see what happens soon. Will update again.