But at the end of every, everything, I am just a very emotionally irrational person. There’s something botched up in me that distorts everything. Everything will be poisoned even if they aren’t at all in the first place. I shall just mute this function.
I really feel like ranting now and have no one to rant to. But I’ll avoid doing it here. I shall just say it here that I feel like erasing myself again. I thought it’ll not occur for some time to come but it has arrived. Hurray. Hark the angels. Life sucks really. The conclusion I come to at the end of everything. If I go to sleep, I’ll wake up not feeling that way but it’ll come again in the future. When can I just really stand up and claim myself? Should I dip myself in formaldehyde again?
This is extremely pathetic.
There’s this delicate balance in me that tips very easily. I seldom let anything come into contact with it. But for the ones that I do, one small touch and it’ll on the verge of tipping over and collapsing. Right now, I’m trying to scramble back on balance. The one that’s responsible for the contact probably doesn’t even know what the hell happened.
The next morning: I’m done with it you know. Done done done with it. I’m better than that and I’m rising above and staying close to the shore. I’m rising above because I’m still giving it a chance. The next time I get dragged down, I have a better chance of clambering onto the shore. Onto terra firma.