As what the english teacher in Easy A (movie) said, “I don’t understand why young people nowadays enjoy documenting their lives so much.” (to Oliver when she asked how he knew all the rumours), I don’t understand either (or maybe I do but definitely not now because I can’t think because I am still drunk). But I was still documenting my life when I was pretty drunk. I am also certain I saw at least 50% of the people still using their phones. So I’m not the only one.

Direct quotation or adaptation of what I posted on FB regarding the experience: (I just had a full glass of 40% alc Martell Cognac in total along with slight tastings of other drinks. Not my first encounter with alc but the first real one aside from those weak wine-tasting stuff.)

– Observation: My grammar was still quite  intact (even though the logic and language-usage departments are a little lacking but at least I can tell this is happening so I am still self-aware)  and I still got very angry when someone online spelt something wrong and judging by the arrangements on the keyboard, it didn’t look like a typo. I also realised (at least many— since I can’t be totally sure— and I still bother to clarify and disclaim) my grammatical mistakes even if I were wrong at first (or I recognise I’m making a mistake but chose not to bother).

– I felt highly exothermic. Burning.

– “And now I know why they always give brandy to people in books who’re fainting after experiencing some trauma or falling from a cliff or something. x_x”

– “I feel really uninhibited and a lot dumber too!! But the main attraction of the day is that I think I’ve finally got the taste of what ADD (attention deficit disorder) is XDDD I talk too much, don’t listen and can’t read anything.”

Reflection (when I’m a little sober now and everyone’s asleep and I don’t want to): I will definitely not use alcohol as a cushioning device or something to get my moods up after experiencing something concrete that got me down. To me, alcohol delays that problem harshly (this adverb sucks) in a way that it completely erases off the time when you first got drunk and when you got sober. You still have to deal with it in real life and now, you’ve got less time! (I think this sounds very cliche but I’ve actually entertained the prospects of doing it so now I’m clarifying it.)

And I really don’t like how dumb and ADD I feel. But I think the good part of it is the uninhibited part— that is if it were several degrees down from what I was when I was the highest. I also don’t remember feeling so insensitive before (but I still was quite sensitive since I bother to clarify etc. and tell sober people to ignore me if I’m too irritating or speak differently etc. because I’m drunk. Basically, I clarified that I may be a bad person to hang around with at that time and proceeded to play that role.)

Like, warning: I may hurt you and then I eventually did. And I think that’s still not a strictly ‘moral’ thing to do, even if I gave some warning. Like, warning: you may get murdered in this dark alley because I live there and get drunk at night and wield a knife about. Then someone walks there and was indeed, killed. But it’s my fault to know that I may kill someone and yet still carry out rituals that will lead me to eventually have the possibility of killing someone. And that when I warn, it means I know it’s pretty wrong.

Okay, I’m pretty amazed at how my brain functions right now. It’s not lazy anymore? I still feel dumb though. It’s this woozy, head-achy feeling of not having slept enough the night before which I’ll quench with caffeine normally. Maybe the gears are greased. Okay, I don’t even think this can be true figuratively. This is the kind of dumbness— I say everything that comes to my mind no matter the context and I think it’s a cross between ADD and mania.

I JUST DIGRESSED HORRIBLY. I was meaning to say 2 paragraphs before: But I think alcohol would be good for times when nothing really bad happened and I’m thinking too much or misinterpreting.

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On another note: successfully transcribed a Beirut song on the piano today. 80% done with the cover— just need more practice. I didn’t do Joanna Newsom first as I first thought— it’s hard playing and singing at the same time because the melody and the accompaniment are very disjunct etc. and I get pressured by the other people who have done those covers. I melt in their talent. Also, I’m pretty unsatisfied with the piano cover but it’s the only thing I know. I really envy the ukulele people covering Beirut carrying their instruments everywhere and recording in the middle of a field with pretty flowers everywhere (this is a dumb sentence).

How many ways can you play the piano (physical position)?? Gaga squatted on the chair with her stilettos but whatthehell was that?? I really yearn to learn the uke or guitar too. Shall ask about the uke soon. Oh yes, I don’t dislike the piano just because there aren’t many ways you can physically play the piano, just to clarify. It’s also very hard to fit it into songs and takes extra effort to transcribe whereas for guitar you can just look for those simple, universal tabs (to strum over and over) which are also all over the net instead of the rare sheet music.

Ciao for now.

Update: I am now in the depressive stage. High has gone. Feeling bad.

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