I’m so busy that I feel like time is warped— not in the theoretical physics sense and not in the not-enough-time sense but just that time is being spread out and bent and just distorted such that I’ve lost the concept of time. I can’t grasp it. Days seem to continue on end. Not that I don’t sleep or that I sleep at strange hours— I have been sleeping at more earthly hours of late. There just seems to be no separation. A continuum (I have been throwing this term about in my thesis so I have been hesitant to use it) of some sort. Like some literal real-time stream-of-consciousness.
And then this odd line from blink 182 pops into my head: “… Well I guess this is growing up.” Lol. Well, I guess this really is s part of the package of growing up. These songs that I listen to when I was younger still portrays the mood best. So nostalgic. And anyway, I can see the gaps between people clearer. Here’s when people separate further into stereotypical groups. And here I am for the first time since a long time back, trying to define myself before I get defined. Seriously— I’m not like that. Just because I hang around with certain people does not mean that I’m like them. But then again, I don’t give a FUCK about my current surroundings. Seriously, incest. To be with the same organisms and infrastructure for 6 damn years. You can see all the genes messing up. (I blame my f-ing state primarily because of the people. This is not unjustified. My friend went to another school and he’s doing damn fine and he experienced hell here. Lack of diversity. INCEST.) When I go to college, it will all be different. <— this is not a whimsical, ‘wishful’ way of putting things. When I say things like that, I mean them. This is also like how I totally changed from 3 years back to the present.
Whatever it is, I will write a damn good ending to my 12 years in a stifling institution.
BYE FOR GOOD.