I shall be a more agreeable person— in terms of interpersonal relationships. I used to be a willing floor/doormat but I wasn’t treated too badly because I was ‘nice’ and I made sense— in a sense that I take care to justify why I agree, so I seem like just someone who has a backbone but always somehow seems to agree. But secretly, I am a doormat because I make it a point to always agree with someone else.

Now, I am the exact opposite. I almost always make it a point to be the one who is right— when disagreements occur. But then of course, when we agree, it will result in synergy. I am secretly, an elitist. But I am not treated too badly because I am still ‘nice’ and I made sense— in a sense that I take care to justify why I disagree and if my views sound too disagreeable, I’ll blame it on my mood or pull off a sarcastic remark that will point to my viewpoints being only a half-truth. But the truth is— deep inside, I feel deeply uncomfortable— when I disagree and clarify in a vague and noncommittal fashion and the feeling escalates if I pretend to agree. I must let it out somehow.

Such is I. I am becoming more and more opinionated and frank but the principles and values which I commit to my interpersonal relationships stay. I resolve to cross no paths and I will never do anything (if they can be avoided at an appropriate level of ease) to gain enemies (because I think dealing with enemies is more taxing and requires more resources than dealing with could-be-enemies-whom-I-‘pretend’-to-be-agreeable-with).

But now, I can only see myself becoming more and more grumpy and isolating (eliti-sing— in a sense that I have a strong opinion on who belongs on my book and who does not— not in a sense that I practice this ‘nasti-ness’ to a great extent).

And I can feel the tension within many of my relationships with people— even if they might say that nothing much has changed (the guy who has said this is not a very observant person).

I shall do what I should to not jeopardise my relationships.