Addition (November 30th): Coming to think of it, I don’t think it was nearly as ‘happy’ as I’d thought it to be. It is of course because I’d never really bought into the concept of happiness and that it needs to be achieved— that is if it could— that is if it even ‘exists’ or can exist or rather, clearly defined in out language. But it is more of the fact that I wasn’t totally ‘conscious’ in my dream (this is referring to the 2 lines in italics a few paragraphs below) and the person in my dream, although acts and thinks like myself to a large degree, does not have/appreciate the same circumstances I have in RL. But well, I’ll just accept that experience for what it is and I was definitely, the happiest when I was experiencing it. And that’s all I need to know/care about. Bye.
I experienced a full lucid dream during a nap yesterday afternoon. It did not start out that way—and this was the fact that I was proud of. It was a typical scene in my dreams though it was a little more undesirable than the norm (my normal dreams are frequently mundane ones that almost mirror my daily life and often feature myself in school) but it wasn’t as ‘undesirable’ than the one I’d blogged about recently which had put me through a near-death experience. I forgot what that starting scene was.
At that time, I was not sure whether I was in a dream or not. But the scene I was in was undesirable—I’d wanted to escape it and I desired for it to be a dream. I looked at a wall clock—or rather, my mind conjured one up and it was a little fuzzy—the way things look when you’re dizzy. I was unsure but since I’d desperately wanted to escape from the scene I was in, I walked towards a window and willed myself to fly. And I was out of the window. And only then was I aware that I was in a dream.
(I had recalled scenes in Waking Life and am sure that they helped me to will myself to lucidity.)
The scene changed (I am still flying)—it was nighttime, around 2-3am. I want (I shall switch to the present tense) company. I want a guy in that scene, but am not sure who, I can’t think of anyone in real life suitable for that scene so I conjured one up. I forgot how he looked but I’m sure he looked average. I (right now) am not entirely sure of his relationship to me but I am sure we are really close and he is not a stranger. He suggested that we race each other and so we did.
I’m aware that this sounds very trivial/awkward and hard to imagine in daily language but to put it into perspective:
I (right now) think that what happened that night in my dream was the ‘happiest’ time of my life ever since I was conscious towards the concept of ‘happiness’.
I felt so free. We were laughing and ‘chasing’ (flying) with no concerns or thoughts for anything else other than that. And since landscape in dreams are only limited to what you’re perceiving (allowing yourself to perceive) at that time, I am (currently) unsure of what was beneath us. I just know that the surroundings was dark, but not intimidatingly so. There were hints of light from background sources.
And we flew until we (I reached first) saw this open field/court with mild floodlights around it and I landed. I was tired—but in a good way. I felt so joyful. And then, he came crashing down. And we laughed and joked and sat/lay on the concrete flooring for a short while. But at the same time, we were apprehensive of the slightly sinister surroundings—but that did not introduce fear, because neither of us were alone and the adrenaline and the joy and fun we were having masked that effect.
And then, I had wanted to suggest to walk back (because we, or at least I, was so tired and didn’t feel like I can fly anymore) but I didn’t . I started to fly again, though much slower—but he was even slower.
And after that, I woke up or didn’t remember what happened after that.
But I am really unsure what to feel/think about this dream. I half want something of this nature to happen again but at the same time, I am analyzing the reason why I am desiring such a thing and also half thinking of mocking myself for this behavior of internalizing things that I lack in RL which is consistent with the schizoid personality.
I shall just leave it to a non-judgment. But I am well aware that I have already chosen by not choosing.
Peace to you all.