I received my usual quotation of the day and as usual, it was funny so I went to google for more and came across these epic ones:

“Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit; sweet, yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and covered with short brown hair.”

-Gretchen Schmidt

Entry in San Jose State’s bad writing contest: 1989

“As she fell face down into the black muck of the mud-wrestling pit, her sweaty 300-pound opponent muttering soft curses in Latin on top of her, Sister Marie thought “There is no doubt about it; the Pope has betrayed me.” ”

-Richard Savastio

Entry in San Jose State’s bad writing contest: 1983


ROFLOLMAO. I was laughing out loud until I’ve got a pain in my tummy. They made my day. They indeed live up to their name— bad.

To see more equally laughable (but not as ridiculous) quotes within that page: http://www.helium.com/items/1290839-writing-quotes