I’ve figured out why I am not that ready to take the obvious solution concerning my existing/non-existent existential dilemma.

There is something odd when someone says ‘I would be so glad to be dead.’ I’ve always thought that it was but I did not make an effort to figure out why. Now I have.

When you say ‘I would be so grateful if you could just help me’— you are expected to be grateful only after that someone has helped you. You are grateful on hindsight. You are not grateful for just saying that sentence.

Similarly, if I’d said ‘I would be so glad to be dead/to die’, I mean that I would be happy on hindsight, which means that either I will have an after-life where my consciousness of this current life is still preserved or I will not be really glad at all because I will not be ‘present’ to feel glad.

Of course, for someone who kills himself/herself to feel glad or to experience relief by pursuing ‘solace’ from terminal escapism, s/he is committing himself/herself with that aim. If that aim is not fulfilled, then why die? Therefore, most people making this statement will imply the former option of the paragraph above. And an after-life is often culturally seen as nasty for people resorting to this outcome.

So to die logically, you should die without an aim that can only be fulfilled on reflection and hindsight.

Let me think of how this could be possible.