I am quite astonished as to how my results (at least 4 out of 5 them– ABBC 😀 Let’s hope that I wouldn’t be negatively astonished tomorrow though it is quite questionable) turned out— it must be because I had implicitly lowered my self-esteem— on one hand, it can cushion the impact if it turned out bad, on the other, it can create immense joy because of the gap between the expected result and the actual result. And now, I do not know if I am suffering from the consequences of the latter. There is this sinking feeling that I might not be able to reproduce it or make the relevant ones better— for the real challenge comes at the hurdle at the end of the year. This though, might also be artificially generated so as to achieve the intended result. Where grades are supposed to drop by 2 or 3 grades from last year, mine either rose or stayed the same. My system is functioning well.

‘I’ treat ‘myself’ as a system for thought experiment.

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