Went to the zoo yesterday. My mom had free passes from her company. And before this, ‘we’ applied for this annual pass which allows us to go to the zoo several times a day 365.25 days a year. So all these resulted in gag-inducing trips to the zoo at least every other month.
But again, I’m not annoyed with the prospect of going to that supposedly wretched place again. I went just like the time when we visited a friend’s house on New Year’s day (which I hated on a scale of 7/10 with 10 being the greatest). Currently, I seemed to be more or less obsessed but unconsciously obsessed about how experiences, no matter good or bad can have a life-changing effect on me. That day, I learnt that I suck a lot and I’m so fake (although not the annoying kind of fake) most of the time and that’s a pathetic necessity instead of a choice I made. (I didn’t mean to self-deprecate but I did, nevermind.)
So, the zoo.
I learnt that elephants should join my collection of things relatively ‘spiritual’ to me. Like the number ’23’ and my dream box and the other box with sails printed on it.
– often my index number
– 2 two songs I was so hooked on. And I respect the 2 bands a lot.
Box with sails on it:
– This one’s really special. I got it on our trip to Malaysia.
Its a kind of memory box, just that it contains air. I open it and swish it around in the air while narrating what I’ve experienced and what goes into it and I’ll cap it.
I unconsciously got this idea from a movie (I forgot everything else about the movie but this) I saw when I was younger where in this church scene, this girl opened her pouch to let the sun stream into it. And when she got out (or something like that), she opened and there was this CGI effect where sparkles fell all over the place.
Although I know that logically, its parallel to empty calories (calories derived from fat-rich, nutrients-void food) but somehow it just brought this little sparkle of joy into me.
So far, the only air it contained was the last night on the bus back from Malaysia.
– My mom gave that to me to write my wishes in and put it under my pillow at night. The instructions told me to repeat what I want every night before I sleep and when I wake up. I used to do that a few times when I first got it but I didn’t now. Its lying in my drawer. Of course, I don’t believe in it in a way that people believe in their Gods and so on.
I believe it in a way that this thing allows me to reflect and seek for a clear goal and I believe in that semi-spiritual object which I convince myself that its spiritual because that particular item was chosen of all things by my mom and that particular one was chosen out of the same ones on sale. And the nightly repeats allows it to grow into you. In fact studies have shown that diets work better if you tell yourself to work hard on getting thinner or anything to that effect the night before.
And its wooden, with a whale embossed on it and this small faux sapphire stone on it. The box is quite small, half the size of an average index finger. I love all wooden objects.
– It just somehow moved me when I heard/read quite sometime ago that when one of the members of their herd is dying, they just lag behind and quietly die while the other members of the herd moves along. This is so in line with my thoughts.
– And yesterday, I learnt that most of the time, elephants die when their last molars wear out and they die of starvation. I don’t know why but this just struck a chord within me. I find them so admirable.
– And my favourite song from Blonde Redhead is ‘Elephant Woman’. That makes a nice round up.
(I find that I’m incoherent at this time in the morning, so pardon me.)
I know that its very out of character for me to be looking up to these things that I somehow ‘induced’ myself to feel spiritual about. But I think I need something like those in my life. Like a muse of some sort before I die out. They feel like one of the only connections that link me (mentally) with rest of the species here on Earth.
And somehow, this childish semi-obsession with these objects actually makes a feel happy for a split moment when I list them down in my ‘spiritual’ list.
Or perhaps these all are just a small part of my partial synethesia.