I have so much to say I don’t want to speak anymore. Around 10 separate things to talk about. Each will probably last at an average of around 4 paragraphs. I’ll just list them in point form. No one will really understand but it will serve as a mental note for my newly amnesiac brain.
1. My (non-deliberate) apathetic attitude towards the New Year and how its a serious indicator of me getting old. It just doesn’t register in my brain. I know that in a few seconds its New Year but it doesn’t register. I didn’t join in the countdown.
2. How my New Year day was spent in my parents’ friends house. Shows how I’m once again— so awkward and how I could be read in so many different ways depending on my behaviour which depends on who I’m with at the moment.
It sucks, seriously, but I don’t mind that it sucks. I’m totally weird nowadays, so much so that I can’t decide if its a good thing or not.
3. I’m very, very confused. But I cannot be said to be desiring clarity. I doubt its existence.
4. I’m starting to think that the problem with me is because I have no problems at all. This is a very new concept to me. Currently, everything is controlled and I have a really effective troubleshooting and problem-solving system in place but it comes in expense to the things which I experience a lot in the past.
And I think that my new problem-solving system is what almost everyone who’s not dysfunct has in place. I’m so messed up. (Not saying that its a good or bad thing.)
5. Today was spent in an extremely interesting fashion.
6. And that foolish person who wants to talk to me about something but keeps misunderstanding me and therefore he thinks that its not a good idea to talk to me about it.
The world would be better if people were totally frank. But that’s impossible and unrealistic and maybe not really ‘better’. But that’s such a cliche statement which people belt out of frustration. And that’s what I am now.
7. I love The Ting Tings. I’m slow at this but they took me sometime to like them because they are on the radio all the time. Not that I’m against things that are constantly on radio and MTV. I’m selectively against them. Its definitely true that the probability of me hating someone who likes popular music is higher than someone who likes shoegazing and post-rock instrumental (Almost close to 0%. I’ve never met someone who likes these genres whom I dislike.)
8. My commonwealth essay is taking shape, but its still flobbily wobbily.
9. Nowadays, I have no opinions/preferences towards anything I see or any concepts or pratices presented to me (like trust, acceptance, euthanasia, war). When asked about something, I’ll merely list out both sides of the house.
10. I ABSOLUTELY hate it when someone isn’t updated about me. I said ‘absolutely’ in caps because this is the last one and people might not read it. And I think its something very important to me. Don’t ever assume anything about me. I change all the time. And I’m never the same when I’m with different people.
I hate to be associated with my past self. Don’t associate me with anything that’s later than 2 months away.