I was munching on the last of the apples before we clear our refrigerator for our week-long vacation when it struck me that in areas where I’ve changed so much, there are some where I’m surprised at how it all stayed the same.

I still peel apples the same way my mom first taught me, spiralling from the top to the bottom before clearing out the area where the 2 ends of the stalks are. And I still eat apples the same way I remember when I was 5— horizontally around the middle before biting round the 2 protruding sides and I always made sure that the edible portions are completely eaten. I’m not frugal, I just like the idea of ‘clearing’ it all up. I still eat chicken wings and legs the same way as I do with the apples— I strip them down to the very bones, no tendons, veins or flesh left behind. People who observe me eating still comment on my ‘incredible’ skills.

And I still like looking out of the windows from my room and I can only sit by the window seat on a plane else I’ll feel jumpy all the time. I still get car sick easily and I still avoid the roller coasters and beef and lamb of all kinds. I avoid fish and all seafood whenever I can. Chicken is still the only meat I can voluntarily consume. I still am afraid of butterflies and heights. I still like fried food though I consume less of them for the sake of my health when I’m 70, as with preserved plums and the like.

I still make excuses and lie when the occasion calls for it (according to parental sources, I started lying when I was one. I started speaking proper words when I was 10 month old) and I like to have my own personal space with no one intruding <— and I still haven’t got anything like that. I still cry a lot though I’m less vulnerable. I still have a strong sense of getting back justice when its taken away, though my sense of what justice is has continuously changed. I still value the same kind of people surprisingly. I still have a continuously clear idea of what I want to do in the future although the idea changes.

And as much as I think I have it all left behind, I’m just spiraling around the same theme, just getting higher and higher and higher.