I was browsing around at blogs of people who have completed their A levels.
Very. Scary. My. goodness.
And scroll back to their posts a year ago when all seemed to be fine, people were still watching movies and eating junk and cursing when the holidays are over, basically leading a life of the living who’s bound to be dead soon. And then you couldn’t help but wonder if you’ll be like that and you find yourself making an improbable agreement that you’ll study to death for the entire 2 years.
And people use ‘you’ instead of ‘I’ in these circumstances when you want to detach the following from solely describing your own experiences and instead suggesting it as a likely experience of others as well.
I’m deeply traumatised, although its not the content of their posts that did it. *points to what a peak is to a mountain as a _______ is to a body* Its that that did it. But I appreciate my brain. I’d deliberately engineered myself to worry excessively and experience paranoia to the highest degree. I’ve lost the ability to spontaneously generate emotions, which is not really a bad to lose. I highly welcome it.
Speaking of which, I’m really starting on the A level syllabus today, not just flipping around random pages of my assessment books. Everything disappointing must go if they’re not a part of my goal. <— A separate being generated this, it was not my ‘original brain’.
To help you illustrate what’s going on in my brain, its like propaganda broadcasted from an unknown source which my body gladly follows and my actual brain suppresses the discontent my actual brain is experiencing.
Its still highly complicated, I know.