I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight!
Jimmy or Snowman said this– so poignant. (Only in the book’s context when you read it)
I’m falling behind everything, studies and… what else? Even when I gave up everything on hand to tend to it. Just can’t turn back.
And then my mind’s way of contradicting myself. “yadayadayada, I’m so worried, yadayadayada.” And then, ‘Heck, shut up.’ And then ‘yadayadayadayada’ again.
Words like ‘just’, ‘oh well’, ‘really’, ‘trying to’ so on, take up all the meaning in a sentence, making it bland, giving a unwanted ‘character’ to the words. ‘Just’ speaks of extremism and it induces annoyance, ‘oh well’ makes you sound like a brush-off, thinking yourself superior to the person you’re conversing with, ‘really’ makes it seem that you don’t trust your listeners to pay attention to what you say; used in certain context, its just gross exaggeration, ‘trying to’ sounds like you don’t want to do it.
Each word contributes to a sentence in a different way and today, I’m sounding like its-a-bad-day-i’m-falling-down-dead.
On the other hand, I’ll have to try writing poetry again– not as a passion, but just to check up on myself that that component is still functional in me. (I think not)
Many things in me are disintegrating, falling apart.