Gee, I don’t feel good being 15 going on 60! Sounds wrong. 15 sounds like a prodigious lost, I remembered someone writing it somewhere– “I hate getting older, because the prodigy factor dips!”. Lol, I’m not saying that I think like her though.

In fact, I feel that I’ve become whole lot younger, at least I use the teenager lingo, lol. And I think there are stark changes between the 11th of october and the 12th, things such as I have totally switched to street photography and flickr has bestowed the world’s bestest gift on that day by replacing the dumb flower shot with the red zebra crossing shot as my most interesting picture, gained back my reputation, all heil!

The skin at the back of my neck is dying, seriously. I went to east coast park twice in the 2 consecutive days, straight after that day, I headed to bugis street, then to arab street today. Now its still lobster red, and it RADIATES HEAT! I suppose that’s natural for a sunburn but I’ve never had it this bad before. Right now, its turning dark brown, a little lighter than the shade of chocolate brown– what the heck happened to me..

I love my trips out, they make me live in the present and not think about stuff that makes me _____ (don’t wanna say that word or any word in particular). I went out today because I was alone at home, and being alone makes me think silly. I have terrible mood swings nowadays, getting kinda depressed sometimes, but I don’t feel like killing myself at those times. Real wierd, I mean I should. So I guess that I’ve changed, but for the better or for the worse?

Now its the up-down-up-down, really big jumps, from the sky to the ground and back again. When I get panic attacks, you can’t imagine that its me or a schizphrenic suffering from hallucinations. I’ll deliberately spin around on the spot for rounds and rounds and rounds, up to 30 sometimes and lie on the ground after that, feeling that the earth is spinning under me– the feeling rocks, it always calms me down– yeh, ironically. I guess I’m the opposite of the environment. When left alone, I’ll be jumpy and moody, when with mobs and crowds, I’ll be the one who’ll heck and have peace. No stress at all.

I think there’s something wrong with me, all these crazy things that I don’t really like talking about– I could fill a book about my ‘events’, but I don’t wanna appear that there’s something wrong with me. yeah, I’m contradicting myself, so don’t bother, just one of my moments right now..

Like the time when the murderer commits his deeds and likes being paid attention.

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