The night is long that never finds the day.
If only the latter could turn himself in,
And lift the curtained sleep.
Written out of spite under my cellphone’s light last night when I was caught red-handed for doing my stuff at 3.43am sharp (sorry, this morning I mean).
Looking at it now, it seemed to fit my haggard state at that time.
Alright, so right now, I officially have no rules to bend anymore but let’s talk about that someday else.
Many a times when we can’t sleep, we ask ourselves is the ‘day’ dead? Because for us, the night is very much alive. But for me, it is actually a haven, a time for creative expressions. The night just seems so unbreakable– you lose track of time.
In the day perhaps, you’ll know when is it noon, when is it getting close to dusk because of various factors such as human activities at that point in time or by just looking up at the changing sky.
But after 7 in the evening till around 6 in the dawn, we will not see any noticeable differences, especially after 11pm, where most are asleep.
I like being free and being able to survive a day or two without a wink of sleep just gives me an immense sense of control. I’m aware that in my subconscious, I don’t actually have much control over my life and am always seeking for control.
I’ve had food as a means of control. I’ve had grades, marks as a means of control. I don’t know what else. But I think its all over in my daily life. Such as, I always eat the same thing for the same meal several days running (shocks my friend quite a bit), somtimes repetitive behaviors which spins my life entirely out of control when I can’t ‘repeat’ that behavior at the time when I’m supposed to.
But I don’t do them consciously. Well, I guess life is hard this way. It always is, going around in a destructive cycle.
But its alright anyway, so long as I seek for it continuously, the worst thing about a cycle is stopping it. I think I gain ‘success’ by trapping myself in a cycle. Perverse as it sounds, these destructives cycles are where totally immerse myself into, where there’s true passion.
Like poetry, photography, these are fortunately positive of course.
Well, on the picture, I’m not sure where I’d captured it. It was just a random sweep of the camera which I was not conscious of.
Hmm, perhaps the day should turn itself in soon to relief me in my search!