Our society is obsessed! Here’s how- organic food, alleged cancer-preventing food groups, several different names for Diet regimes, ‘bad’ gene isolations, lipo, nip and tuck, whatever. I’m over with it! Can’t you enjoy life? What’s with all the hype and paranoia? Has organic food been proven to add a few years to your life? Or if it has, is that few years needed?

I’m just done with it, I just can’t stand obsessiveness, when everyone around me Is Like That. I’ve got a friend obsessed with his ‘screwd-up life’ as he termed and coops himself in a room writing meagre poetry about his ‘screwd-up life’ as he again terms. I’ve got Dad who insists on heating plates and utensils before eating to remove ‘germs’ and soap in the dishwasher is a BAN! (chemicals, they are :\) Mom chews on cabbage leafs and insists them 100% organic.

3-year old bro has been exhibiting behaviours of– hiding his toys away from his sis. Psss, she might steal it! Well, I’ve been obsessive with food too, got anorexic some years ago but my more obsessive parents didn’t notice anything. I mean how can someone who chews on cabbage notice someone who chews on oat bars? It doesnt make any sense.

Now, I’m going to be obsessive on accusing OCD on everyone.

You know, I’m going to opt for euthanasia once I discover I’ve got some terminal disease, once its passed the 80% success rate. I don’t care if there’s some new drugs on trial or something, I already watched grandma tortured by cancer, I was around 5 at that time and I was wondering why did she not opt to leave peacefully instead.

You might say that she wants to spend more time with us but the remaining days left in her life included staring into space and wincing occassionally. She lost the ability to talk, and I think chemo killed her. She was already very weak at that time, and after that treatment, she was like a dead leaf.

And it was those painful 2 weeks we really watched over her, for before that when she was in a better state, we were all busy obsessing over our own stuff. Now, if she decided to leave us two weeks before by euthanasia, we’ll spend a quality 2 weeks with her, facing a living person who could move and speak, instead of the ghost of her former self. And it wouldn’t be so unexpected about the way she left us.

Dad was on a business trip, mom was working I think. I didn’t even see her, only mom did. I wished we were all there with her when she left, and I know that she wants this too. Especially dad, she was his mom. He wasn’t really the same after this. Everything is going to be lost after you die, everything but the memories you leave in people’s mind.

I’m the sort of person who hates redundancies. If this thing don’t work, don’t do it, spend time on something more meaningful. So school is something which I kinda dislike. I know, everyone has a degree of obsessiveness but when a huge group of people are obsessive in the same way, they’ll get on your nerves. Its either a problem on self-image or academic results.

And I’m the person to talk to. After some time, I find myself telling them the same things. Its all about acceptance. I think we all get over things by getting use to them. The thing about life is not about finding a thorn in your shoe and remove it instead of getting used to it. The fact is that since something already happened, you can’t deny it by throwing it away from your mind, it happened, you can’t write it off, so you have to stay with it.

Maybe you broke up with this guy and slashed you wrists a hundred times, you only have got to stop yourself from slashing them and live your life as before and learn from it. The most important thing is to gather something of your own from it.

There’s no point in someone else like me telling you what you ought to find, cos everyone’s different in this respect. I could say– you learnt from this relationship and really grew a lot, and perhaps the other party as well, so you two could never get together like before. You two has gone off on your own on separate ways and you don’t want to back-track. This is for me, but you could never relate to it as I’ve had.

I just find emos, I mean real ones who got into it from some major experiences poor thing. I could have ended up as one, in fact I qualify– I write poems, I like black (and other colours too), read a lot, not very sociable, listen to related songs (but others too), cry regularly (to myself), almost killed myself and does not deny being very emotional. But why get yourself type-casted? Why not be yourself? Why have a label that’s shared with someone different from you?

I seldom show my friends my poetry, unless I wrote it in class and they demands it cos I don’t like to change how others see me for better or worse. Like when I introduced myself as a debater, every debating session was pushed to me and yes, we win, but others never got the chance to try their hand on it. Frankly speaking, I’m afraid of meeting up to expectations, especially if its set in stone by someone who don’t really know me.

I just want to be relatively unknown, I don’t know why, I don’t like meeting acquaintances. You just don’t know whether to acknowledge them or not and I can’t really survive well in one-to-one conversations unless I’m the listening party or the person is one of my best friends. I feel comfortable in silences but if the other don’t, I’ll be all jumpy and nervy. I’m a melancholic-phlegmatic, something I’m not very proud of since I value my dry wit and basically survives on it. A Jon Stewart fan, haha.

Gee, I’ve been off-course, but nevermind, if you haven’t fell asleep, I shall digress further. I write poetry because I have to, not because ich will. I blog because I need a life (; I don’t know what will happen if I didn’t take this up. I find what Maureen in “A Long Way Down” said very true–you live your life obsessing over something (Maureen’s son, Mattie is a born vegetable). Before getting a job, she claims to have spent 90% of her mind, obsessing over Mattie, but after that, it got down to maybe 50% and 40% on her job.

We all need a vent, for some its a night out, a party. For some its gotta be drinks. For us geeks, we write because basically our whole lives are spent talking to ourselves, so why not transfer it into words for others to see into your life cos there’s no other way for them to fully know you? My poetry represents me, but maybe my poetry 2 years ago don’t, like how I deleted my past posts when I was a diet freak. It was scary.

You just need to find a voice, a medium to represent yourself. After this, you no longer need to think about leaving this world, because life is always meaningful with your voice. Its the one thing no one can take away.

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