Argh, my stomach has been working up a lot of crap, both this way and that.

And with that nasty disturbance, my inner balance is disturbed -.- Total crap out shit piece of a poseur. I’ve been talking like a persona straight out of that friggish channel. Which, I don’t know. Blah, kill myself, nothing to talk about. See I’m talking as if I’ve had a recent lack of vocal cords. Vocal cords can be lost, voice can be lost, limbs can be lost, hearts can be lost both this way and that way. Can I lose my mouth? LOL.

Mike: …is a total cop out. hey, Hey, HEY! Have you been listening?

…: *nods*

Mike: can You @#$%^&* TALK?!!

<<!: I LOST MY MOUTH!

Can you imagine the ubber coolness? The way of shutting people up by counter copping them up? For that you need to have the right facial expressions.

1) Bear a smirk, sideways up to the right (for me). This takes technique, you cannot show a hint of bursting-into-laughter-the-next-second or anticipation that the partner’s pants’ gonna drop the next minute if you raise the left level with the right. The right way will speak of amusement and heck-care-ness while appearing to be thinking hard and serious.

2) Sculpt your eyebrows to this shape /\ (due to keyboard limitations, tune it down to 20 degress from your normal brow orientation). Anymore than 20, you’ll have the Mia’s grandmere’s expression of eternal-astonishment, any lesser, you’ll appear to be hard of hearing.

3) Give him/her worried eyes, the helplessness of a salesperson when you hand her a torn dress and demand a refund.

4) If you’re sitting opposite the creep and have a table handy in front of you, perch your hand (fist-clenched) on your cheek, the cheek to the upper smirk is oriented to. Look straight and be casual and comfortable. It will suggest the creep to be shifty and uncomfortable -.- 

5) If you’re standing, fold your arms and place your right foot in front of your left, point to the creep to appear to be not defensive but impatient yet able to stay till s/he finishes his/her speech. Try to lean backwards, like a pillar propping your back but Beware! Degrees matters too in this case…else you’ll fall -.- This will do– /

6) And when you speak to revel the lack of a mouth, don’t follow the punctuations and shout. Balance out your features to a subtle poker-face with a hint of a neutral smile while speaking as if you’ve really lost your mouth. Deadpan not in the Jon-Stewardish way that requires the creep to laugh but say it in an ambiguous way, as if you’re joking, as if you’re not.

7) Leave at the right time. In normal cases where the creep shifts his foot a bit and looks rather uneasy, you know that you’ve performed it right and. You can stare with the smirky expression (step 1-3) to leave an impression. Then leave casually.

8) But in abnormal cases where the creep goes shouting, howling, yelling at you, you better leave this approach. But you should look out for the signs and judge the best. If the creep is the kind to swear, expect a soft mutter of vulgur or an under-expressed stare and threat but never leaving the spot he was standing or sitting. Okay, the benchmark is that the person should not move too much and should he stunned in his own way.

The most important thing is to look casual and solid. That’s why not everyone should do this. This will only work if you’ve established yourself as smirk-expression capable in the past. But you should if you’ve not. This is damned versatile. You need not say that you lost your mouth everytime you want to execute this, you could always say something else and you could personalise that smirk anyway. Not that I’m some expert. Actually I am, with the right audience.

You could do this to a lame joke that you cannot choose to laugh or swear or you can break up with someone amiably or do this in place of making a decision or appear in control while having a soar throat -.- or replace a swear word with this. Anyway, I use it a lot and found it fun and sunday-morning thing to share since I’m bored, a right ‘O achievement from my not knowing what to blog about in the first place.

Or if you’re an absolute fan of this, help Botox go Vogue.

Have fun!

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