My departures from my previous blogs were always rather bitter, unavoidable though natural ones. They always involved me going through a ‘phase’, growing out of it and eventually finding the mood of the blog stifling. This one isn’t any different. I’ve had enough of it all.

With this, I direct you to JusticeJustine . I think I’ll only start writing in it a day after this post though. See you on that side.

Tsk. Tsk. Sigh.

Well, there were quite a few ‘interesting’ things about myself and the whole experience was extremely nostalgic. It’s currently in the wee hours of the morning and I may be caught red-handed anytime and be butchered for being on the computer or … to go down to the basics— being awake at all. So I’ll just feature one small thing here:
http://23huisclos.wordpress.com/2010/06/17/i-shall-start-to-live-positive-approach/

I skimmed through this and oh my, isn’t that pretty much who I am right now? Most of it— the more relevant parts, anyway. And it’s funny— I didn’t print that entry out and stick it on my wall to remind myself of it everyday or anything so such growth isn’t entirely made consciously. But I shan’t pry as it isn’t in my interest to do so.

Dear peers, I am living now!

Now: I am always happy with who I am. However, I am never content with who I am. I’ll keep growing everyday. What’s better than being ‘perfect’ is never being ‘perfect’. Goals and boundaries are continuously pushed and you discover infinities outside of infinities. And it’s turtles all the way down. A buffet and it all depends on how much you can bite off and chew.

I need to:

- Improve my handwriting

- Restore my grammar and language abilities and stop lazy-typing and lazy-speaking (It’s going to be hell for me in law if I were to continue this way. So peers, if you’re reading, do remind me if I ever fall back to such habits. Oh, actually, I just did. Sigh, I will stop using slang and mindless words to replace what I really mean to say.)

- Re-program my mind. This is a very broad term, yes. If you do see me around nowadays, I think you’ll know what I mean. I really lack rigour in my thoughts, I can’t bring myself to think about things, I’m basically just have this lazy and resort-island-vacation attitude towards everything. I also have a warped sense of time and I think that I have all the time in the world and days melt into each other and I seem to have no care for anything in the world. And I’m not even working, like most of my peers. I’m a real-lazy bum. It sounds like the good life, but not really. I realised that a ‘good life’ is challenging and fulfilling. I didn’t use ‘but’ because hey, they aren’t mutually exclusive in the first place. Basically, I’m rotting. And I’ve become rather simple-minded and one-tracked. etc. etc. etc. I’m going to work on all of these. I’m going to borrow less simple-minded books later, law books probably and am going to survey my curriculum and read generally on some of the things featured in it and think about things etc. I’m also going to finally write on my future law blog. I’m going to make things happen, finally. No more hanging around, lazing about the days.

- Survey my possessions and sort out things that I can bequeath to certain people before I leave for an abominably long time.

- Handle my ‘farewell’ details— I’ll not elaborate on here. But isn’t it funny? Farewell. Fare well. One will fare well in farewells.

- Start sorting out things that I want to bring away. Purchase things that I need.

- Fix my hair. I think it just got a little too boring for me again. But I don’t think I’m allowed to dye or do anything crazy to it at the moment so I’ll fiddle around with my scissors a little etc. We’ll see.

Here’s a good folk:

Chad VanGaalen – Sara (not the video) from Sub Pop Records on Vimeo.

Browsing through my old songs. I was scrobbling what I played onto Lastfm and went around to read up on Voxtrot on my Lastfm scrobbler. I got a shock when I saw that they have 6 million plays up to date. This was the first song I knew from them and I was listening to them when they had only 1000+ plays! What …?! And apparently they’ve split up now. It’s been so long. I really dig this song.

I shan’t write descriptions for the others. Rather lazy. These are also a handful of songs of course— I’m listening to a lot more but it’s a little too insane to get everything on here. And many of them aren’t uploaded onto YouTube yet. Maybe I should upload them.

*scores in gray are the average web score

September 10 2009: http://23huisclos.wordpress.com/2009/09/10/1470/

I’ve been browsing through my old songs. This song really calms me down— its vibes. And I really need it right now. Some kind of emotional roller-coaster. It’s been a while since I’ve watched a 5awesomegays video though. That was how I first started listening to Joseph Birdsong. That is one hell of an awesome last name.

This entire thing is just incredulous.

It was one of those drowsy mid afternoons. Nothing special was going on other than the fact that today, I’ve been cooped up in my room for the past few hours tidying up my room— a task that is long overdue. I’ll post pictures soon— after more ‘touch-ups’. It was rather productive. But the moment occurred quite Some time before I halted my operations for the day at 7pm (it started at 1pm), before my room became slightly more presentable.

I was standing in this mess, akin to an unearthed landfill. One thing worse than a landfill is an unearthed landfill, I presume. I could barely make any feet movements— only leaps. And then my phone started ringing, or rather, vibrating, to be specific. I, yes, leaped around to hunt for my phone. Half-heartedly, feeling both “Now … what?? *yawns*” and “Now what? D”. I never had a really good history with unexpected phone calls but they thrill me, nevertheless. Alright so, I got the phone. The phone screen shows that I have 2 messages as well. Am I popular or what?! (I’m kidding, obviously.) Right, it shows ‘witheld’. Sigh, it must be the telemarketer again. Or my mother, using That particular phone in her workplace.

Witheld: Hello? May I speak to *my name*.

Me: Uh yes, speaking. Who are you?

Witheld: Oh this is *mumble mumble* … UNSW. May I know if you’re free to speak now?

Me: Oh okay. Yes.

We shall call her “UNSW gal”: May I know if you have any questions about UNSW admissions, the acceptance stages or anything about UNSW?

Me: Oh, actually I wish to reject it. (I haven’t woke up from my mid-afternoon-dust-dredged-up-from-tidying-room-induced stupor yet so I wasn’t feeling that I was part of the human race. Therefore the blunt, stunted and low EQ reply. Also … What?! Someone just randomly called me from Australia all of a sudden? And … am I charged for receiving this call?)

UNSW gal: *pauses* Umm … May I know why do you choose to … reject?

Me: Oh, I’ve accepted University of Sydney already. (Normally, if I were in this situation, I would have included the reasons as to why I choose to accept USyd instead but I was feeling really out of sorts at that time. Really wooden. Think of the state you would be in when you just got shaken out of an afternoon nap.)

UNSW gal: Oh … okay. May I know why you chose University of Sydney over UNSW? (She kept repeating ‘May I know’, as you can tell. As for me, I kept saying ‘oh’. And umm … I wouldn’t expected her to ask this question.)

Me: O_O (I was think: huh?! Umm … Well, I have loads to say and many of those should be really obvious. USyd is obviously much better than UNSW etc. Gal, why are you asking me this for? Would you want me to state the objective reasons which are already obvious to you or would you want me to state the purely personal reasons which would be irrelevant to you? Plus, my brain is pretty frozen at that time and any attempts to state any real reasons would lead to a lot of stammering and probably a rather prolonged call that’s going to make some hefty charges to my phone bill.)

I just said, empty-headedly: Oh, I prefer the location. (Right, both are in Sydney and are really near to each other. Alright … this is quite a quirky reason. I was obviously ‘trolling’ though in a harmless way. I never did this to anyone before.)

UNSW gal: *pauses for quite a long moment* *mumbles something unrecognisable* (I was wondering: what happened? Did she bade goodbye to me? In my stupor-like state, it didn’t occur to me to find out by saying ‘hello?’ or anything. I just hung up. And split seconds before that moment, I heard some mumbling again. Umm okay, but my finger was already intending to trigger the ‘end call’ button already. It could be reversed if I were in a clearer state of mind. But no, alright, ciao.)

——————————————————-

Before this, UNSW has repeatedly sent me quite a few very ‘pointed’ emails (probably by the same UNSW gal) wanting to guide me in the process of looking for accommodation,  settling down, accepting their offer etc. I ignored them because my heart was already with USyd. Little did I know they’ll pursue me to the point of calling me— an overseas number.

And gosh, UNSW gal even sent me an email after the phone call:

Dear _____,

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me today.
I am sorry to hear that you are unable to accept your offer from UNSW. But I wish you every success in your future studies.

Warm regards,

*UNSW gal’s name*

Wow, I’m smothered, UNSW. Thank you. A very heart-warming experience. You’re sorry to hear … and that you tweak my unapologetic words into my being ‘unable to accept’. And you wish me every success in my future studies … in your competitor’s faculty? )’: Awww, UNSW. Can I just hug you?

This is what playing hard-to-get yields, I guess … . Though it’s unintentional. If only USyd pursued me in this way =P I guess I accepted them too early, of course. Though they liked me a lot as they accepted me really early on too.

I’m so addicted to this. It took some time for me to finally get into it. And now I’m in so deep. You have no idea. How this has been playing in my head.

Scrape your knees, it is only skin.

And you can say: ____ your ____, it is only ____.

From his new album.