Cycles

The night is long that never finds the day.

If only the latter could turn himself in,

And lift the curtained sleep.

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Written out of spite under my cellphone’s light last night when I was caught red-handed for doing my stuff at 3.43am sharp (sorry, this morning I mean).

Looking at it now, it seemed to fit my haggard state at that time.

Alright, so right now, I officially have no rules to bend anymore but let’s talk about that someday else.

Many a times when we can’t sleep, we ask ourselves is the ‘day’ dead? Because for us, the night is very much alive. But for me, it is actually a haven, a time for creative expressions. The night just seems so unbreakable– you lose track of time.

In the day perhaps, you’ll know when is it noon, when is it getting close to dusk because of various factors such as human activities at that point in time or by just looking up at the changing sky.

But after 7 in the evening till around 6 in the dawn, we will not see any noticeable differences, especially after 11pm, where most are asleep.

I like being free and being able to survive a day or two without a wink of sleep just gives me an immense sense of control. I’m aware that in my subconscious, I don’t actually have much control over my life and am always seeking for control.

I’ve had food as a means of control. I’ve had grades, marks as a means of control. I don’t know what else. But I think its all over in my daily life. Such as, I always eat the same thing for the same meal several days running (shocks my friend quite a bit), somtimes repetitive behaviors which spins my life entirely out of control when I can’t ‘repeat’ that behavior at the time when I’m supposed to.

But I don’t do them consciously. Well, I guess life is hard this way. It always is, going around in a destructive cycle.

But its alright anyway, so long as I seek for it continuously, the worst thing about a cycle is stopping it. I think I gain ’success’ by trapping myself in a cycle. Perverse as it sounds, these destructives cycles are where totally immerse myself into, where there’s true passion.

Like poetry, photography, these are fortunately positive of course.

Well, on the picture, I’m not sure where I’d captured it. It was just a random sweep of the camera which I was not conscious of.

Hmm, perhaps the day should turn itself in soon to relief me in my search!

Exams! Yipee, I Love Exams!!

I want to be jumping for joy when I receive my results..

I want to be jumping for joy when I receive my results..

I want to be jumping for joy when I receive my results..

(repeat)

(repeat)

(repeat)

I guess this works (:

No stress visiting me still.

But motivation is at its full tank!

I determine to get 100 for math. Alright, they say ‘aim high’ didn’t they?

I’m bursting my brains to drum them in, but I guess I can sew them back at leisure when exams are over in 13 days time.

Tennis (photo, day at school)

Just a short post-up on school today!

We begged Mr Siva to let us play tennis and yipee!

Alright, well, I was not there, I was feigning sick cos I forgot to bring my shirt to change.

Either that or we’ll get a ‘fair’ grade for our conducts (for not bringing our shirts to change! don’t know if Joker Siva was joking this time or not).

And godforsaken, I have affinity with every other sports (serious) except for tennis! Gotta figure that one out someday.

Any way or other, I was rather satisfied with the photos I made in the morning.

From left: Audrey, yj (is that you?), peirong.

Hope you guys don’t mind appearing here :p

Our subconscious fears (to be cntd)

Try this.

Shut yourself in a dark room with curtains drawn shut. Sit down on the ground, or lie down if you will, but don’t, don’t fall asleep!

Open your eyes as usual, for as long as you could.

I recorded mine as a matter of 17 minutes and 36 seconds before I finally yielded to the unseen preessure.

At around 5 minutes, you’ll already see spots of ’stars’, those of which you see when you’re about to faint. This is the normal trugger for you to shut your eyes ‘for a rest’.

Now, why is darkness so painful to the eyes? Do you feel the same in that 5 minutes when you’re going about your daily lives?

Is it because its Pure? Pure black? Just as pure white/yellow/red/green will do the same to our eyes.

But black unveils a totally different feeling than the other colors. We’re not pressured by the extreme glare of the yellow and reds, nor are we pressured to shut our eyes to the space of white.

The difference I think is that black has no boundaries, you can’t charter the geography of the room you’re in, whereas a lighted room of white can.

Black, darkness is judged to be Sleep and the unconscious.

Dark is for the lonely, for the troubled, for people who wants to blend in. You can be fully camouflaged in the dark room, but never in a room painted white, red or yellow.

Humans are naturally optimistic. Even the most severe pessimist has his motivation to inhale another breath.

We are uncomfortable with the unseen, with uncertainty. We like to be sure.

When the space in front of you looks the same as your eyes shut, you start to panic, because you see no difference between the two. We have a natural tendency to compare, to chart our graphs, on what is deemed as ’safe’ to us, or what is deemed ‘exceptable’ to us, what is ‘beauty’, what is not.

When everything looks like its ‘One’, we either thrive in it, or die in it.

Hmm, an interesting encounter with philosophy, the last line. But I’m running out of time right now, gonna think more about this in the dark tonight and come back fresh and more organized tomorrow.

Interesting"Alzheimers’ eye test"

This is an interesting forwarded email from yeeherng.

The Alzheimers’ eye test

Only scroll down when you see “scroll down”

Count every ‘F’ in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE

SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI

FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH

THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS…

(Scroll down)

How many?

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Wrong, there are 6! No joke!

Read it again!

Go back and try to find the 6 F’s before you scroll further down to see the reasoning.

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The brain cannot process ‘OF’

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!

Anyone who counts all 6 ‘F’s’ on the first go is a genuis.

3 is normal, 4 is quite rare.

how interesting.

what did you get?

On turning Blind

Today, I walked through the lighted tunnel and saw darkness, those of a Midnight hue, not that it being that color mattered much anymore.

Occasionally, we get an omnibus ride out of the wilderness into the tunnel of light, where it seemed as though we had emerged from the abyss and saw paradise.

Why does an earthworm live in the darkness, refusing the sun?

Because its afraid of what light would bring to his life– creating contrasts, gaps of esteem in his life. He is afraid of hope, what hope might bring that might lead him to destruction when doom sets in.

Looking back at the closing gate where the last ray of beacon pierces into the vast stretch of blank space, exposing the last dance of the dust particles in view, I stood back and watch, cold and afraid, not because of the Dark, he’s alright..

I’m just afraid of when the gate will open again..

To see the party, the voices in cantabile, figures moving to the beat, unslaved, things that I’ll never achieve no matter how hard I try.

Occasionally, we walk off on our own, the place is getting too stuffy, or perhaps someone too drunk in spirits pushed you off the beam– you’re just too lack of it to survive.

Lights up on the terrace, swing..

Eschewed away in the corner is me..

Lights don’t expose, they hide, like what my over-exposures does.

They hide, they hide, they hide,

until you go blind..

That’s where you see the gate closing, the vision fading,

You’re just Imagining, for there’s no Darkness in the World, only Blindness..

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That is why gates closed will never open the same again and I thought mine was an exception.

The scar never heals, never.