Ha-ha

Tragedy turned comedy, I shall laugh, ha-ha.

Thinking of this makes me feel all funny inside.

No sarcasm, none.

Trivial turned big.

That’s what publicity does.

Thanks a lot to you people.

Now, this is sarcasm.

I’m still laughing, ha-ha.

The Great Gatsby

So I went digging out my classics and revisited “The Great Gatsby”, my all-time favourite. And this time, was the 4th time I reading it. Each time I flipped to the last page, different feelings came to me, each time only deeper. This time I cried. Cried, for Jay Gatsby. His presense just exudes this sense of peace and serenity. So vague and surreal that even when he was gone, I felt his existence. Perhaps Gatsby never existed in West Egg, in that gaudy mansion with those extravagant weekly parties, he himself was a fantasy. Fantasies are meant to be felt, not seen. Tragic. This sense of emptiness just overwhelmed me. His death was truly the means to all ends. But his groundless death is totally unjustified. More so when his sole existence proved to be so vague. I don’t know, everything seemed to resolve, after his death. Daisy with Tom, Wilson’s suicide after shooting Gatsby, Nick back home. Resolved in an involuntary way. Daisy and Tom were not meant to be together. Gatsby did not kill Tom’s mistress, aka, Wilson’s wife, Myrtle, Daisy did. Tom ought to be shot, instead of Gatsby, for Myrtle’s death. Gatsby re-creation of Daisy’s love was unfortunately unreciprocated. Tom destroyed all links and ties to humanity.

I just have this thing for anti-heros, like another case with Dorian Grey. The picture of Dorian Grey. Gatsby did nothing. He was in fact some sort of a catalyst. Things happen around him, without him lifting a finger. But the ultimate finale destroyed him, for once, things happened to him, in a tragic and erroneous way. I never believed in his existence, nor in his death. What I saw was just the currents that ebbed and flowed accordinly to his command, for everything returned to the introduction after his death. Nick went back home, Tom and Daisy clean of affairs, Wilson and Myrtle dead. An end is just a prelude to the begining, just that we do not know it at that time.

Like I care. Nobody does. Not to you. How you feel…

Like I care. Nobody does. Not to you. How you feel. When you don’t. Search for an excuse and someone to believe you.

Pity…

Went to school today and shrugs, its bleak. That was the one time when I felt so helpless that I’d offer anything in order to regain my speech. I’m lost, was lost and will always be lost. This was also the one time when I felt so inexistent. Am I even alive? I’m not! I’m dead, was dead and was never alive. Why the bloody hell am I sitting down there on the fence? Tell me, you know best. What should I do to make you satisfied? I have to know cos I can’t afford to let this go. We just or I just want you to be more confident and trusting. It just hurts to know. We did our best, there was nothing said to the contrary except for the fact that it was impossible just to reach you. Will you just offer us a chance? People are not really what they appear to be simply cos they react differently to others, its really sad if you warrant that type of treatment from others. How can we understand when we can’t relate in the first place? I swear that we are not entirely what you think us to be and I’m not waging war on this grounds. This is purely peace-making. Probably there is peace but its what appears to be the setting for a coild war. Once again, sorry. I suppose that’s just about all we can do.

On the other hand, we’ve finally got a coach! But the guy’s currently still in NS so…feb the 5th or 6th he’ll be back? I dunno but with everyone being glad, there is no reason for me not to be glad as well. Look, I’m not saying that I so hated this but its just that by tradition, I don’t feel good about anything except for some but that’s not my concern today. And so what’s my concern? Oh yea, there’s like 3 new sec 1s, all gals. And my friends were like brainwashing then with nasty gossips about some…some…Oops, shouldn’t be airing those dirty, smelly laundry here in the public. Well, they can be so bloody scandolous that I’ll get sued one day man, who knows? Haha and obviously I didn’t join in cos I’ve never got a life to do such a thing.

I don’t hate and I don’t get hated, or maybe I did this time. That’s why I’m so bloody hurt. Look, its just so unfair when someone hates you and not vice versa. Its even more so when there’s no justified reason surrounding it. Do I represent everyone? Why me? Well, that’s sad enough but nothing’s ever fair so I guess its alright to hate me or whoever it is. But just take note that someone will get killed again. Its just so hard to learn to die when you’ve never been dead before.